And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
