I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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