you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Enjoy the penises
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
