I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
