wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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