Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
