I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
