I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
