Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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