i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
