It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
