then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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