can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
