Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
