i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
