I'm drive I can fine osifer
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
