Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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