I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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