sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
