somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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