nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
