you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
