So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So much Jack, so little girl.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
