Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
