I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
