Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
