She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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