Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
