My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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