yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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