Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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