That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
