Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
420 ftw
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
