She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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