Please don't use social media to get back at me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
