She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
