I have demons in me.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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