you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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