Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm always down for nudity.
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