During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
