dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
