I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
