guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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