My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
