I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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