Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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