you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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