I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
wow bdsm is so cute
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