gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
