i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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