He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
