I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
