Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
