Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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