Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
