Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize