i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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