It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize