Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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