the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
