In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
