I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
