Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
