im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I did not marry a roomba.
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