she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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