Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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