I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
