He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
the raccoons are back...
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