Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
