So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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