the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
