In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
