take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
