A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize