Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
