I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Buhtt sex?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
