Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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