do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
