this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize